Friday, May 22, 2015

FORGIVENESS ISN'T THE SAME THING AS TRUST

Image: abcgo.com

By Jonathan Decker, LMFT, MS

There seems to be a widespread belief, especially among those who've hurt others, that with forgiveness comes a restoration of trust. In other words, if the offended individual doesn't trust the offender and resume the same relationship with them, then the offended has not truly forgiven. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Friday, May 1, 2015

THE REAL "GOLDEN RULE" FOR MARRIAGES

Image: Unknown

"Treat others the way you want to be treated." The Golden Rule has been the standard of behavior in friendships, business partnerships, customer service, and much more. In marriage, however, it can actually lead to problems. Might I suggest an amendment? "Treat your spouse the way he or she wants to be treated."

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

WHY PITYING BULLIES DECREASES THEIR POWER

Image: Warner Brothers

By Jonathan Decker, LMFT, MS

In the 2007 film adaptation of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, our hero finds himself in a confrontation with his parents' murderer, Voldemort, an evil wizard so terrifying that people dare not say his name. Harry has dreaded this moment, which is something his adversary takes full advantage of. Voldemort possesses Harry's body, tormenting his mind with visions of death and suffering, reminding him of his failings, and taunting him for being "weak."

It is at this point that Harry sees his friends, who have come to his aide. They watch his agony with love and concern. He thinks on their experiences together, along with all the people who've ever loved him and have been kind to him. "You're the weak one," he tells his enemy. "You'll never know love or friendship, and I feel sorry for you." This realization gives him the strength to cast Voldemort out of his mind and body. 

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Want Great Sex with Your Spouse? Stop Trying so Hard!

Image: soulsatisfactionforwomen.com
By Jonathan Decker, LMFT, MS

Have you ever stumbled while speaking in public or fumbled a job interview? Odds are, you were putting too much pressure on yourself to perform. While it's important to be fully engaged and to give our best efforts, the times when we are relaxed and accepting of imperfection are generally the times that we do our best. This is as true for sex as it is for anything else.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Book Review- MISSION IMPROBABLE: HOW I HEALED BIPOLAR DISORDER WITHOUT DRUGS

“This may sound like a simplistic solution, but I agree with Tony Stephan who said that someday mental illness is going to be seen as nothing more than a nutritional deficiency. Nevertheless, out of small and simple things, great things can and do come to pass. This is one of them.” – S. Deborah Fryer, Mission Improbable: How I Healed Bipolar Disorder without Drugs, p. 83.

Mental illness is a subject about which people feel passionate. Some are adamant that modern medicine is the key to treatment, others point to therapy, while still others hold that holistic methods and natural remedies are the cure. In my experience as a mental health professional, all three have their place.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

YOU MIGHT BE SABOTAGING THE CHANGES YOU WANT YOUR PARTNER TO MAKE

Image: jenandmen.com

Want your partner to change? You might accidentally be hurting your cause. Here's what to do differently. 

I've noticed a pattern in human behavior: we want people to change, but then we make it hard for them to do so. For example, a mother may want her son to stop lying, but reacts angrily when he's honest about his mistakes, shaming him and removing his motivation to tell the truth. Or a husband may want his wife to be more sexual, but contributes to her exhaustion and detachment by not helping with the kids, doing housework, or communicating affection throughout the day.

Friday, January 23, 2015

5 REASONS TO TRY WEBCAM THERAPY

Image credit: carp.ca

In the age of social media and smartphones, so much of our lives revolves around technology. Marriage and family therapy has never been a field to lag behind: online webcam sessions are increasingly common. Many people enjoy meeting with their counselor from the comfort of their own home or office. Here are five reasons why you should consider signing up for an online session.